control freak

One of the interesting things I've noticed about myself is that as I get
more involved with the management at the hospital, I find myself feeling
that things which I used to just shrug off now bother me a bit more. I
think this is because of the illusion of control that doing stuff with
management gives me. For instance, when the power went off for three
days when I first arrived, it didn't bother me very much. We've had a
lot of problems with the power recently as they try to fix some of the
power grid infrastructure, but there's an illusion that I can do
something about it by deciding to run the generator, or call the power
company. Even now that I'm in the communication loop so that I hear
that the power will be switched off and back on at a certain time, when
it goes three hours later, I find myself getting frustrated, when I
think if I didn't know anything I would care less. It's an strange
phenomenon, and I need to learn to let go of things that I have the
illusion of control over, but actually have the exact same amount of
control over that I had in January.